Leading up to my shoot I was excited and nervous. I'd never done a boudoir session, and I started to get nervous that I would be the sole exception to all the beautiful photos I'd seen from Molly.

There was no longer any fear there of just taking up the space and being myself but I felt so present and that felt sexy to me.

There is one picture where I'm sitting by the river and looking up, I was just feeling the moment (…) This is one of my favorites because she was able to capture this look in my eyes. I saw that photo and was overwhelmed because it's the first picture of myself that I've ever looked at and thought that's me. I saw my own soul in my eyes and it's the first time I felt beautiful.

I was put on diets at an early age, was a binge eater in college, and then swung wildly in the other direction and became very restrictive in my 20s and 30s. I started to gain weight in my 40s and have been trying to make peace with this changing body. I also deal with chronic pain and have gone through multiple major surgeries in the last few years.

This Adventure Boudoir Session was a way for me to celebrate and honor what my body has gone through and thank it for how it is still carrying me through this crazy life.

I had a lot of internal discourse and barriers to work through. What if it was uncomfortable? What if people at my work saw the photos? What if my family did? What if my friends did - and they disapproved?? What if it was a bad experience? What could this cost me? In the end I reminded myself that I was safe and this was a safe experience with Zealous Stills that I owed it to myself to allow and have, and that no one ever had to see the pictures besides myself and Molly if I didn’t want them to. That the benefit could be more than the cost. That I should just try it and see. That I deserve to be allowed to explore this side of my womanhood and femininity more deeply and see what could come of it.  That I wanted to

Transparently, I thought I would feel more unexpected emotions. I thought, in some aspects, there would be this tremendous sexual awakening where I would feel some hidden power I did not know was there. That might sound a little dramatic, but I sometimes feel pretty suppressed, so I was expecting a lot from myself. But I can't stress enough how important it is to me that everything felt normal. That, in its own right, meant a lot to me. I was comfortable. And because of that, I felt like I could just be myself.

Boudoir is for the insecure. It helped me see that I have value. I am worthy of love, I am worthy of being celebrated. I am worthy of eating the food that makes me happy. Even if that means it’s not the “best” food for me. When looking through my photos I don’t feel like I’m viewing myself. I feel like I’m viewing a princess worthy of everything good in this life.

This journey has been one of sisterhood, creativity, expansion, reflection… I would be lying if I told you that there weren’t feelings of fear, anxiety, or stress. For these feelings have been programmed into women for hundreds of years. It has been a journey of unbecoming, a deep unwinding of sexuality and the energy the female body represents. The witnessing of SELF as she blossoms into a new version with every photo shoot revealed.

I've always wanted to be a model; ever since I was around ten years old and America's Next Top Model aired on TV; I thought "I could do that! I'm tallish, I COULD be skinny one day... I can totally do that!," but then all my health issues started. So I pushed that pipe dream far away.

Admittedly, Molly's art is completely different from what I wanted as a young girl, but the best part is that I'm involved in ART which is WAY better!

I have connected to, possibly for the first time in my life, my full self.

I’ve learned through this experience that we as humans are supposed to be proud of ourselves and share our experiences good and bad. Most of my life, it was ingrained in me that self-confidence or SHOWING you love your body is being boastful and arrogant. Confidence is key to happiness, truly accepting yourself and encouraging others.

I have been immensely lucky to not just continue to learn self-love for myself but to empower others to do the same.

I want to climb it, float it, see it, fly to it, hike to it, drive to it, and when I’m there, I’m gonna make a piece of art to remember it.

Some people like souvenirs, I like creating art.

My creating art in nature and passion for boudoir photography got married went exclusive as a full time pair! Studio boudoir is beautiful, I spent many years dedicated to it but like I said earlier, I’ve been on a path of authenticity and this is my most authentic form of creating art for the intentional souls to find me.

Adventure boudoir At Zealous Stills is an experience of a lifetime.

“Can we get in trouble being naked outdoors for a photoshoot?”

The short answer is: Not with me.

The long answer is, possibly, with the wrong planning and attitude. Doing an outdoor boudoir session comes with a different set of rules than an in studio boudoir session. In the studio, we have the ability to lock the door, close the curtains and only allow in who we want in.

Outdoor, adventure boudoir is a little different!

I've spent most of the last couple years working back towards the best version of myself while also trying to fit in activities that I enjoy. Which was a main motivation for me to be a Zealous Stills Ambassador;

Here, I’m able to show a side of me that I've been unable to tap into fully for too long.

Getting the chance to be one of Zealous Stills' Brand Ambassadors has helped me not only feel beautiful, but more like my old self, my AUTHENTIC self, it has given me back a lot of the self confidence I lost during my medical trauma.

Boudoir has reflected the parts of me I avoid back to me so beautifully that I have fallen in love with them. But not every image comes out that way. During reveals, I find myself anxiously awaiting both the intense, empowering love and awe I know I will feel looking at my favorite images alongside the struggle and discontent I know I will feel at some of the other images. And then I use them as an opportunity to tune back into that place inside of me and try to dig away at it a little more.

Up until now, I have just believed everything. “You’re so ugly.” “Stop singing, your voice isn’t any good.” “You’d look so much better if you lost a little weight.” Because of this, I’ve spiraled. Way more times than I can count.

She desires to BE FREE, to be in union with her surroundings. To feel the moss against the soles of her feet, the cold hard rocks on her bottom and the warm salty water on her bare breasts. She wants to BE HELD, held by something fierce yet soft, held by something that has no opinion of her perfect imperfections, something that will let her JUST BE. Her imagination ignites and daydreams rush into her mind as she watches the clouds go by, this must be what TRUE LOVE feels like. Love of self, free from the chains of another’s observations.

Through 2020 and 2021 I had some not great medical things happen, and some scary as hell “maybes” one of which was that heart crushing “C word”. Even with that being ruled out my body and mind were going through so much back-to-back trauma my brain could not compute that I was going to be ok!

Then, I lost what I felt was ALL of my femininity and had a hysterectomy in 2021, my body was failing me, and my mental health was following right behind it.

I knew I needed to process this all in a new way. So I dug deep, and for me that means secluding myself and writing it all out, burning or shredding the things that do not fit or are doing me an injustice. It is hard work, draining work, but it was work I needed to save my life.

There were things in my life I needed to improve upon and through that accountability and vulnerability, I was led to Molly.

I wanted a way to capture the work I had done physically in pictures, but also wanted them to show the emotion, the path, and the confidence I gained.

Boudoir sessions are becoming more and more popular among the mainstream these days but are boudoir photos worth it? Just 10 short years ago the words “Boudoir Photography” or “Boudoir Photos” were most likely met with a confused face and a head tilt. But chances are in 2022 you know someone who did a boudoir shoot for a wedding gift or, celebrated a divorce with one ;)

I was still consumed by recovery and getting back to my normal self, and what better way to do that than throwing on some lingerie and having some fun via Molly's camera?!

I was extremely nervous EVERY DAY leading up to my shoot, would I be satisfied with my body through the lens, would my face and body cooperate, so I would be seen as capable and beautiful?

Who I felt like on the inside was showing on the outside.

I felt like a HOTT SEXY BAD ASS! LOL It was incredible! Go Women! Go Empowerment!

I immediately wanted to do another session and take even more photos and get them in large prints and hang them all over my walls.