Boudoir has reflected the parts of me I avoid back to me so beautifully that I have fallen in love with them. But not every image comes out that way. During reveals, I find myself anxiously awaiting both the intense, empowering love and awe I know I will feel looking at my favorite images alongside the struggle and discontent I know I will feel at some of the other images. And then I use them as an opportunity to tune back into that place inside of me and try to dig away at it a little more.

She desires to BE FREE, to be in union with her surroundings. To feel the moss against the soles of her feet, the cold hard rocks on her bottom and the warm salty water on her bare breasts. She wants to BE HELD, held by something fierce yet soft, held by something that has no opinion of her perfect imperfections, something that will let her JUST BE. Her imagination ignites and daydreams rush into her mind as she watches the clouds go by, this must be what TRUE LOVE feels like. Love of self, free from the chains of another’s observations.

Through 2020 and 2021 I had some not great medical things happen, and some scary as hell “maybes” one of which was that heart crushing “C word”. Even with that being ruled out my body and mind were going through so much back-to-back trauma my brain could not compute that I was going to be ok!

Then, I lost what I felt was ALL of my femininity and had a hysterectomy in 2021, my body was failing me, and my mental health was following right behind it.

I knew I needed to process this all in a new way. So I dug deep, and for me that means secluding myself and writing it all out, burning or shredding the things that do not fit or are doing me an injustice. It is hard work, draining work, but it was work I needed to save my life.