I am 24 years old, I am the oldest out of 4!
I like to think of myself as the more quiet and reserved of my sisters, I have always been this way.
I started dating my fiancé when I was 15 years old and I am the mother of 2 angel boys.
My kids both passed away in 2013.
I have always been very protective of myself and others around me for everything I have gone through. I like to think that I always seem to put others before myself and that is what brings me happiness.
My reason for wanting to do a boudoir session was because I have been in a very dark place in my life for the past 5 years. I have forgotten how to love myself and forgotten who I am over all as a person.
Just in the past five years I have lost five of my family members; two of them being my kids.
I feel like I have been trying so hard to distract myself from the losses that I have not taken the time to actually heal or do things that make me feel human.
I felt like I needed to do something out of my comfort zone, something that was going to make me feel human again.
My session was about me peeling off layers that I have built. Layers of negativity and hurt.
I was so nervous before my session. That morning I woke up at 5 am and my shoot was not until noon that day. I paced around my house trying so hard to stop myself from caving in and canceling. I have never been good in front of a camera, so the fact that someone else who I did not know was going to see me and take pictures of me made me very nervous!
During my session I felt different. I felt at peace and happy with life. For those few hours, it was only about me and it was a special feeling.
I felt confident, free, beautiful, strong, and happy!
The moment that sticks out to me the most during my session is the moment that Molly asked me if I wanted to take off my last piece of clothing. When I took that last piece off, I felt like a totally different person, kind of like an out of body experience where I could see myself and how beautiful I felt.
I have never allowed myself to be so comfortable in my own skin. In that moment I felt so beautiful, its a feeling that I still hold inside of me to this day.
That moment changed my life forever.
I felt very emotional and beautiful. Going into my session I thought for sure that I would feel uncomfortable and awkward but I felt the total opposite of that; I felt confident! Right after my session, I got into my car and sat there for a while. I let out a big cry, but a happy one. It's a feeling that every women should feel.
It's a feeling that no one can ever take away from me.
I felt so confident and all my worries were out the window.
"I love myself."
That is something that I struggled so hard to say or feel.
"I am beautiful, I am strong, I am everything I dreamed of being, I have always been everything I dreamed of being."
Some people will think that it's so silly for me to feel so strongly over a photo shoot but it's so much more than just that, it's a life changing experience to learn how to love yourself, to see how the world is looking at you.
I will carry this confidence with me forever now and have now learned to see that I am beautiful just the way that I am. Boudoir has taught me so much about self love and how important it is to love yourself for who you are and who you are meant to be. That is something that i will carry with me for the rest of my life.
Do it! It’s a life changing experience. You will cherish that moment for a lifetime. If you decide to do this, the day you go to see your pictures and you think to yourself (or say it out loud like I did) “thats me?” Just know that yes, that’s you!
That is the women you were always meant to be.