I'm a 35 year old recently divorced mom of 2 boys and 2 crazy dogs. Someone once described me as Audrey Hepburn with Phyllis Diller's mouth, and I think that's the nicest most spot on thing anyone has ever said about me. I love Big Guns Upstairs, exploring the outdoors, diving into a good book, cooking, baking, ukeing it up, singing karaoke in my car, wine tasting, and living the best life that I can. I have always had some serious body issues, stemming from when I was very young. I have never felt comfortable in my nakedness, believing instead that my body was dirty and shameful. Birthing 2 babies has made me feel like an absolute warrior but caring for and nourishing them has made me feel like my body is not my own.
I am recently divorced and on a journey to reclaim my body, mind, spirit, and heart, and I felt like a boudoir session was a necessary part of celebrating my life thus far.
To be honest, I was pumped when I signed the contract. My confidence was at about a thousand percent until I started trying on outfits. Were my thighs really that big? When did my breasts get so flat? I started second guessing the whole thing and even considered cancelling even though I had already paid in full. I felt so defeated as I let that voice inside me fill my head with the most ugly thoughts about myself. Once I finally found the types of styles of lingerie that looked best on me, I started to gain some of that confidence back, but I still was pretty down on myself. I have never felt beautiful in my whole life. I've always been made fun of for being the fat kid, and that's something that has stuck with me well into adulthood.
I was so focused on taking direction from Molly that I didn't have time to listen to my inner mean girl.
Molly made me instantly at ease, and I had so much trust in her vision that I never questioned anything. I was still pretty nervous through the whole session, but I just tried to focus on following direction and ignoring my thoughts.I remember joking with Molly about how nervous I was, and she offered me a second mimosa, which I gladly accepted. Things got so comfortable while we were chatting that I forgot about the drink. I distinctly remember the doors closing & thinking "Help, I forgot my second drink." I was not expecting to feel sexy, which is weird to admit, since it's a boudoir session. I also felt, for the first time ever, able to tell my inner mean girl to just shut the hell up.
I felt like a tremendous weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
I remember getting into my car and just taking the biggest cleansing breath that I have taken in a while. I felt like this gaping hole that I've been carrying around since I could remember was finally starting to heal itself. When I'm having a bad day, I remember how gorgeous I looked during the session and how much care I put into making myself look pretty that morning.
I think that it's helped remind me that I'm a priority in my life. I have made a conscious effort to put on a little makeup and do my hair every day because I have come to realize that it makes me feel pretty and more confident. I never thought that mattered until I saw how beautiful I was and how damn good my hair looked with just a little effort. I remind myself daily that a few minutes in the morning is worth feeling confident all day.
Don't let your inner mean girl keep you from experiencing a session.
It's life changing, for real. You are beautiful just as you are, and sometimes it takes someone else capturing that to make you see it. I just want to say thank you to Molly for creating such a safe space within her studio as well as building an incredible social media community that empowers women of all walks of life. Being a part of that community planted the seed of confidence that ultimately led me to make the leap of faith and start my own healing process. I am truly grateful for that.